My angel Gabriel (2003-02-17)

Dear Pommar,

I guess the first thing that really needs to be said is:

I love you.

I think you know that and knew that when you died, but I feel better sending it out into the world, because I miss you and that's why I've decided to start writing to you.

You were such a big part of my life when you were alive and even though you're not here anymore I still feel myself aching to speak to you, so I figured this is the best way to do it, through unsent letters.

I hope that you are still mostly yourself, or at least enough to read these and know that I think of you and hope that one day you'll come back to me in one way or another.

I miss you so much my heart has ever made me feel as special as you did, so effortlessly. I miss hearing your laugh and making you cups of tea and just being with you, knowing that I could be totally myself. I wish I said more often how much I loved you and how much I loved our time together...but I think you knew.

And I'd like to think that even after 3 years you are still yourself and watching over me, even as I write this, without any underwear on, laughing because you know that I think better when I'm naked.

I miss that chuckle of yours and the way that you laughed with your whole body and your whole mouth, so hard sometimes that you cried. I hope that you still laugh like that, even without a body...

I think I'm going to leave you now with the lyrics to the song I spoke of in the other letter that diaryland ate...

'I can fly, but I want his wings.

I can sigh, even in the darkness, but I crave the light that he brings, revel in songs that he sings.

My angel Gabriel.

I can love, but I need his heart.

I am strong, even on my own, but from him I never want to part.

He's been there since the very start, my angel Gabriel.

Bless the day, he came to be, angels wings carried him to me, heavenly.'

I thought you'd like that.

Don't forget me.

Love Me

heart - break

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