What's stopping us? (2003-03-15)

Dear Amos,

Well you answered my question today. And I'm not. And the strange thing is that hurts a lot more than I thought it would and a lot more than it should.

The strange thing is, I know you weren't lying, but at the same time, I could feel the way you were feeling about me and it was a lot more than just friendly. I saw the desire in your eyes and felt the chemistry that has been there since I first met you, so obviously the attraction is still there but...

You say you don't want a relationship either, so why did you look at me the way you did for three hours today?

Why did you hug me and hold me and kiss my cheek when we said goodbye, all the time holding my hand?

I know you want me, I can feel it, so why don't you want me?

I know I'm screwed up and my soul is scarred and twisted and fucked up because of all that stuff with my dad, but you don't know any of that, so what is it? What have you seen in me that has made you so wary all of a sudden? And why does it fly out of the window whenever you touch me?

What is it that's stopping us exactly? Because honestly, I'd really love to know.


heart - break

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