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Dear Pommar, I feel so solitary in this house all alone. I never really thought about it, but living in a house full of people is something I have always taken for granted, never once considering the utter loneliness that occurs without human contact. How do people live like this? It�s only been a day- less than that really, since I did see Carmen this morning, but already I think I might go mad. I mean I have been alone in the house before, but never like this and besides this isn�t my house�perhaps that is why it seems so empty, as there are nothing but remnants of the person who occupies this space�.and I feel like an intruder. Which is stupid, considering the fact that I was asked to be here, but still I feel this house as being very clearly NOT MY PLACE. There is nothing of myself here and in turn that makes me feel like I do not actually exist, like I�m fading from reality with every second that I go unobserved, uncontacted, unnoticed. I am immersing myself in words, devouring them like I would a lover�which is particularly apt given that it�s eroticism I�m craving, hovering over the sex scenes, imagining myself within those silent, forbidden passages. Imagining James� hands on my skin�.goddess how I wish for that. Although to be honest I would settle for anyone right now�I ache to be touched�to be made love to in the way I imagine in my head�to be cuddled and caressed in a hundred different ways and places�but I always open my eyes the same way. Alone. -Me |
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