Pink elephants (2004-12-28)

Dear Stephen,
I don't know what to do about you. We were meant to chat tonight and yet I was dreading it because I wasn't sure of what I would say or more importantly, what you would.
You were weird last time. I'm not sure if that's because you've had way too much time to over think things and analyse everthing to death and you have well and truly wigged yourself out, or if you're seeing someone else again and too shit-scared to tell me.
I don't want to be paranoid, but I can feel the weirdness. I don't like it. I have the foreboding that I am in a runaway train about to crash into a ravine- yet am utterly unable to extricate myself.
What is it that you want exactly? I mean I know what you THINK you want and what you rationalise that you want, but what do you actually FEEL?
Why do you look at me like I am the centre of your universe?
Why do get turned on when I hug you?
More importantly why don't you do anything about it?
Why do you continue to freak yourself out about our friendship?
Why do you continually run away from me?
Why do you date people you're not actually interested in and don't really even like?
Why can't we just be normal?

I guess what I really should be asking is why is it that I can never bring myself to ask you any of these questions?

I guess you're not the only one running scared. Avoidance is the better part of cowardice after all...

I miss you. Damn.

heart - break

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