Goodbye (2006-09-23)

The most incredible thing happened- we had sex. Me, the girl who never thought she could have anyone touch her without throwing up, thought she would be celibate forever, actually did the unthinkable and just went with the heat of the moment.

You were inside me, and it hurt, coz it was my first time and you didn't know (you still don't as far as I know) and yet I would still say that it was perfect. Even though it felt like I was being stabbed and I ended up crying, it was still perfect.

It happened exactly the way I wanted it to. It didn't go as well as I wanted it to, but I still wouldn't take it back for anything. Despite the pain, I would still do it all over again. And I would have too, except that you left forever 4 days ago.

And the strange thing is that despite the fact that I have no idea what the past two months meant to you and what it is that we were/are/might be, I don't regret a single second. Because regardless of the way this pans out, to me we WERE together and I will always remember it as an incredible, special, unbelievable experience that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

I'm still not sure if I love you, but I know that I loved being with you and even though our time was brief, I will never forget the way you made me feel, actually FEEL for the first time in my life.

I'll miss you

heart - break

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