you need her (2008-03-06)

Dear Gallus,

So someone found me here *waves* and I read her diary and felt like her words were coming from my mouth. The part that resonated the most was "I don't understand why you're letting yourself be miserable".

That is the bit that just seems so totally retarded, that you end the relationships that make you happy with the people that you love/like (Me, Kylie, Vicki), but stay with those that make you miserable (Christie, Kate, the anti-christ). What the fuck is with that?? Why do they deserve your attention/affection- I won't insult both of us by calling it love coz it's NOT.

It shits me more than you know that you are the perfect boyfriend for HER, when you were in love with me for more than 2 years and yet treated me in a way I never even DREAMED you would dare to ever treat me.

You disappeared on me- TWICE. Me, the totally chilled out one who allowed you complete freedom and never questioned where you were, or who you were with. And yet you don't do that to her, despite the fact that she is the most possessive and insecure person on the planet.

Maybe that's the point though, that's what you want. You want someone to worry/freak out/stress about you and where you are and what you are doing. You want someone to make you their whole life and I was never going to do that, so you went and found someone who would.

You say that you are miserable and I know that you are, but I'm beginning to suspect that deep down she is exactly what you need. She fulfills your need for constant drama and bullshit. She is insecure and paranoid and consumed with you and your bullshit and therefore she will never EVER leave you.

So when it really comes down to it, you may want me, but really you need someone like her.

Man that is just so fucked up. But hey, that's you all over isn't it?

heart - break

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