That which I miss... (2008-06-24)

Dear Gallus,

So I'm having a tough week and have kinda gone backwards- it's the stress, I blame it all on the stress! It makes me crave cuddles and miss you and the way you would hold me, with me curled within the groove of your body, one of your hands spanning my stomach, your thumb stroking my belly. And I would pile my hair up behind my head so that you could kiss the curve where my neck met my shoulder, or your favourite spot between my shoulder blades.

And sometimes you would hold both of my hands, one stretched out, one pulled into my chest, and other times you would tuck me into your chest, my head buried in your neck/collarbone, my leg draped over yours while you would stroke my hair and kiss the crown of my head.

Either way, every inch of our skin would be touching and we would be so close that I could feel your breath and the rumble in your chest as you spoke to me in your baby girl voice about everything and anything.

And now I can't have that...or rather I kinda can but it's with stolen moments and inappropriate texts and general associated bullshit because the thing is, you gave up on all that when you gave up on us and no amount of you trying to keep me on the backburner is going to change that.

I'm not your plan B damnitt!

I won't go back to that, no matter how much I miss you holding me.

Next time, I get to be first choice. I mean it.


heart - break

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