Well as of last night I completely back slid back into oblivion. While rationally I know it's just because everything else in my life is fucked, and I'm 99% sure once I find a new place to live to ensure that I won't be homeless it will all go away, right now it is pure and utter hell.
All I can think about is the day after we slept together, when you did something I NEVER would have expected from you and you treated me like complete dirt.
I remember that morning when you were way across the other side of the bed (which was completely unheard of), so I rolled towards you and tried to give you a cuddle only to have you shirk away and inform me ' I need more space, not less'.
I remember the stab I felt in my chest every time you would avoid eye contact and not look at me.
I remember you having the audacity to criticize my parking (which again, you had never done before), like I was a child.
I remember being so incredibly angry and disappointed with myself that my stupid body let me down and I couldn't do that one damn thing, when everything else had been so awesome.
I remember feeling like the death knell had sounded on our relationship, because I knew that if I couldn't have sex it was only a matter of time before you found someone who could.
I remember the shame I felt that day and every day since.
And I hate you for it