Is it cold in here or is it just you? (2008-08-03)

Dear Mel,

Fuck you. I still cannot believe the things you said to me. At first I just felt sick to think that my so called best friend was just so devoid of empathy and understanding, but the more I think about it, the madder I get.

a) It was not "years ago" it was a year and a half
b)it wasn't even that long, because oh yeah, he told me he loved me at Christmas and we made out and it was all still there, like nothing had changed
c) It didn't REALLY end until Jan and even then it was only because *I* put a stop to it and that meant I had to stop talking to him, which was really fucking painful, but I did it, because I DID want it to end
d) Even if it WAS years ago, who the fuck cares? There is no statute of limitations on pain caused by another human being, particularly given the monumental amounts of shit I went through and my previous history.

Fuck you, you have no idea what it is like to be me, what it was like to be with him, you never saw us together, you haven't the faintest idea how close we were and how damn serious it was.

Seemingly because you have no concept of a committed relationship you are unable to see how difficult it is to see a future for you and one person and then have it come crashing down around your ears.

Apparently because you are promiscuous you have no idea what it is like to actually give yourself to someone body and soul, where the physical is purely an extension of the emotional depth that you cannot express any other way.

And because you have never experienced either of these things, you can't seem to understand what it is like when that person that you actually trusted and put all of your hope and faith in lets you down and treats you like dirt and your entire world shatters into a thousand pieces.

It is devastating, but for all intents and purposes you will never understand this.

That's fine, but don't you DARE fucking judge me. I'm a human goddamn being, not a Barbie doll, you can't just dress up my life and create my reality to suit you and your fantasy land.

I got broken. That takes time to fix. So fucking deal with it, or fuck off, I don't want to know you if you're going to be a cold heartless bitch.

You're turning into M do you know that? You better fucking watch it, or by the time you realise just what you are doing, all your friends will be long gone.

-Me

P.S I like mad, mad is better than sad.

heart - break

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