I'm Out #2 (2009-03-01)


(yes, you don't even get a dear any more, that's how pissed I am). What the FUCK is this? Just to review:

We meet.
You like me. I like you.
You are a mess, so I pull the friend card- because (and I still stand by this) it was the right thing to do
You disappear (#1)
We both see other people.
Several months later you pop back up.
You still like me. I still like you.
You ask me out.
We hang, but then your g/f cracks it.
You disappear (#2)
Several months later you pop back up.
You still like me. I think I still like you.
You disappear (#3)
I discover this is because you're being a dodgy bastard. I get pissed (with good reason).
Several months later you pop back up.
You still like me. I'm still pissed at you.
You disappear (#4)
A few months later you pop back up.
You still like me, you beg for my forgiveness. You admit you acted like a dick, you want to see me and want to make amends.
I forgive you and give you another chance.
But then, wait for it folks- YOU DISAPPEAR! (For all those at home counting along, that is Houdini act number five)

Then last night I organise to hang with your brother as it was his birthday on Wednesday and oh yeah, that is WHAT FRIENDS DO. So I rock up at your family's house, which you were also visiting and you were there for I would say..mhmm...2.3 seconds before doing what you do best and vanishing outside.

I sit there, feeling violently uncomfortable, because it was as obvious as dog's balls that it was due to my arrival. Real subtle there champ. What's even better, is that you continued to be absent, sitting outside by yourself, rather than be in my company inside.


I try valiantly to be nice, make conversation and involve you and you stone wall me every time like something out of a gameshow, complete with obnoxious buzzers
Your cats- MEIGN
Your new haircut- MEIGN
Your t-shirt (you can tell I was getting desperate)- MEIGN

Eventually I give up and actually come outside and talk to you specifically, so you can't run away (although you look like you REALLLLLLY want to) and you STILL don't talk to me.

And it turns out that you have actually called your ex girlfriend to come and rescue you. Are you fucking serious? Am I that scary??? What, do you think that just by sitting in the same room (but on a completely different couch) and watching a movie you're going to magically fall into a relationship??

And I don't know what it is, maybe it's because I'm tired, maybe it's because I have realised that if you DID decide to talk to me it would officially be attempt number SIX, or maybe it's just because I feel really fucking uncomfortable when I haven't done anything wrong and that automatically makes me defensive but I just snap.

I can't take it anymore, I do the unthinkable thing I have previously sworn never to do and I become *that* girl.

I yell at you, I can't remember the exact words but it is something along the lines of
'Well *I* don't text *you* late at night begging to see you because I really want to hang out with you and blah blah and then when it works out that I DO see you completely disappear and act all freaking weird' (yes folks, I did subjugate myself to a 'You suck', 'No YOU suck' conversation)

And you act like it's all in my head because I was there to see your brother, which is technically true and I'm feeling like a psycho, and just so frustrated that it's so weird, so I end up trailing off, the wind removed from my metaphorical sails.

Then your ex appears and acts like a hippy on crack, all happy happy joy like we're friends, but you bolt like the fucking coward you are.

So you get away with it. AGAIN.

And now I'm pissed, but of course, if you won't talk to me in person, there's no way you would actually answer your phone, so I'm reduced to this, but fuck it, it's all I got, so here goes.

That is IT.

I am DONE.

You have put me through enough, you have treated me like shit for the last time! I have done NOTHING to deserve this Nathan, NOTHING!

And maybe it's my fault for letting it go on so long, so that now you think that it's okay, but I'm sorry to tell you that it's NOT. It's not okay to be all fucking over me, then act like I don't exist whenever you feel like it. It's not okay to disappear. It's not okay to be downright RUDE. It's not okay, NONE of it is okay!!!

I want to text you and tell you to get fucked, but the truth is you're not worth the 25 cents.

So have a nice life, because I will now never be a part of it. EVER. I don't care how much you beg, you've had your second and third and fourth and even fifth chances. The bank of forgiveness has now officially gone into recession, take your business elsewhere.



heart - break

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