I want the happy ending damnitt (2009-03-21)

Dear Gallus,

So I'm losing weight, which I like, coz it means that I'm getting my old body back- which was rocking. And it means that I feel good about myself- or at least better than I did and that means that I'm getting all of this attention again- and yet while I probably notice more than I once did, I don't care about it. Just like old times really!

But then I look around me and I see almost every one of my close friends in a serious relationship and something else old comes back- that old fear that something really was wrong with me and that no-one could ever want me, so I am destined to end up alone.

God that is depressing. Don't get me wrong, I love my freedom, but I really don't want to end up like some crazy cat lady (aka Kristin). I don't want you to be all that I get, because you and I were fucked, and I deserve better. I deserve a goddamn happy ending!

It still shits me that you are the one who has someone while I -who went through incredible amounts of shit with you-am the single pathetic one. How is that fair?

Oh that's right, it's fucking not, because this is my life and the way that it rolls. Good relationships are things that happen to other people. And I am sounding so bitter I'm even pissing myself off, so I really should go to bed. Alone.


heart - break

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