Inequitable (2009-09-06)

Dear Gallus,

So I'm home and it feels like all I seem to do is talk about you- which is weird because I haven't done that in my real life for so long. Last night was no exception, I went out for dinner with the girls- our last dinner party before I disappear- and you were a hot topic (still).

The thing that killed me last night though was that my friend- who also has a shitty first time story and was also treated like complete crap by her first was telling me how she's started seeing someone new (yay) and that she slept with him after only 2 weeks and 3 dates.

And while I was still yay I was also insanely jealous- how the hell did she manage to do that? Like she was perfectly happy and apparently totally comfortable- and she is definitely not a skank, or promiscuous in any way, so it's not that, she just managed to put all of the other crap behind her.

How, how, how? She wasn't drunk, or high or anything, she was just...okay with it. She couldn't explain it to me either- believe me, I asked! (I think my words were 'teach me!' lol). She just said that it felt right and she was comfy and it was all nice and fine- which was a miracle, as it wasn't nice with her ex at all.

And goddamnitt, I am totally happy for her, but I have never been so envious in all my life. I want that damnitt, I want to just be cool with it and not have to stress and just be able to sleep with someone, no fuss and drama.

Why can't I do that???

Why can't I move past something that was 3 years ago, whereas she only needs a year and she's good to go??

It's just not fair :(

heart - break

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