Weighing the odds (2002-01-27)

Dear Gallus,

So, given the numerous comments on the last entry, I felt it was time to write something new. Also given previous comments and events over recent days, I thought some clarification was needed.

I thought about it see, I thought about all of the boys since you- and while there haven't been HEAPS, there have been a few, and their reaction to the issue fell into two camps: not bothered (+) and not interested as a result (-).

Matt #3 = +
I did my standard 'This is the deal' thing and he wasn't fazed. "I'm happy with whatever you can give me" (direct quote). He didn't care that I wouldn't have sex, but he was extremely unhappy that I wouldn't stay the night (which was because whenever he held me, I felt like I was cheating on you). NB: Also had sexual ESP and maaaaaaad skills. Seriously, the things that boy could do!!! I kinda wish I had slept with him, except I really was too messed up for that to be a good idea.

Craig (-)
Crap, crap, crap. Had no fucking idea what he was doing, therefore ouch, then got all pissy when I said I couldn't have sex (not wouldn't), even though I had told him so from the start.

Rob (-)
Awesome kisser. Seemed totally chilled with the situation "It's like dessert" (i.e you just have to wait for it, but it rocks). Then never called me and when I DID see him due to the fact one of his mates was dating my housemate, he ignored me. Asshole. NB: Found out he recently got engaged to someone else.

Sam (-)
Technically in the neutral zone in that he dated me for 2 months and we didn't, but he spent literally the entire time begging/pushing. And the more he pushed, the more reticent I became.

Then there was the interlude with you. There was also Nathan and Darren in there, but given that I never got into the physical realm, they are technically unrated.

Then there was Melbourne Boy= +++
First person I ever fessed up to about the real situation re: abuse + you = vaginismus (although I didn't have a name for it then). Totally non-plussed and blew me away with his understanding and genuine acceptance of me and my history, warts and all. REALLY wish I had slept with him- but that was his call too and he made the decision knowing the full story and chose no.

Mark (-)
Seemed like he was into me, but then really did just want to screw me. Didn't even want to stay the night unless he got some. Dickhead.

Scottish Boy (-)
Yes, he gets a minus and that's because while he SAID he was cool with it, he did really want it and then he never called me.

And I think that is everyone...there's also Neighbour boy and Ben and this other guy I met at a club and several other Nathan segueways, but they never got off the ground to that point.

So, minus the exclusions, we have -5 and +2. Not really the best odds.

To be continued...

heart - break

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