Windows (2010-04-14)

Dear Gallus,

So, shit is kinda coming back together. After doing fuckloads of uni work on Saturday, I rewarded myself with a equally gigantic spending spree in London on Sunday. Man, I had forgotten how fucking awesome London is. I've decided that every time I get pissed off with UK BS I need to just go there and I will forget my woes and remember how much I fucking love having this opportunity.

I really am quite lucky- I have a job that allows me to work across the other side of the world and get paid an absolute fortune compared to my actual country. I worked my arse off to get here- and it really was touch and go there for a while, with everything that I have gone through- so sometimes I forget that this is something that most people don't even have as an option.

And it has opened crazy doors- I got put at a Band 7, straight away (everyone else is a 6), this means I can continue to get paid at that level and the more experience I have, the more it consolidates my position as one hot ass commodity.

Thus I can fund any number of amazing adventures- the newest addition to the list being Greek Island hopping next March. And I am meeting up with my Thailand travel buddy to see what else we can cook up on the weekend (more London time, woot!).

And the thing is, it would never have been on the cards if you were still in my life. I would have given this all up for you- whether I meant to or not. I would still be this pathetic, anxious thing, terrified of leaving the comparative safety of what I knew in our tiny, boring city. And worst of all, I would be tied to you, miserable, but unable to break free.

Goddess, I can see it now, we would most likely be living with your mum, because you could never get your shit together financially and my Mum would never allow it. I would most likely be bringing in the only income. And you would most likely be cheating on me.

And the scary part is, I don't know if I would have ended it, even then. I hope so, but the truth is, I was so different with you, I put up with so much drama and bullshit, I honestly don't know. Ugh, the mere thought makes me sick!

So, I guess what I mean to say is that she may have gotten you, but I got myself back and got to have my own life, something you could never offer me.

Personally I think I got the better end of the deal.


heart - break

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