I refuse! (2010-04-27)

Dear Gallus,

SOOOO everything is fucked again. The funding for the Brighton job got pulled last minute, so as of 5pm tomorrow, I am unemployed. I swear, this is just insane, why can I not catch a goddamned break??

I'm starting to worry that maybe I can't do this. Maybe I should cut my losses and go home...damnitt NO! I refuse! I don't want to go home with my tail between my legs, I set out to make England my bitch, I will do it goddamnit!

There is one post still going in London, there is another I have to talk to that would still allow me to live in Brighton and then just commute. I can do this. It WILL work out, do you hear me? I refuse to go back home because I failed, I refuse go back home to the shitty life that you offered me.

The truth is, I don't want to come back until I have well and truly gotten my shit together, so that when the day comes when we see eachother again, you know that you had your chance and you blew it and my life is a billion times better without you in it.

(I mean, I know that anyway, but I want it to be really OBVIOUS). I know that is petty and stupid and mean, but fuck it, it's the truth.

I want you to look and me and regret what you did. Christ knows that's the way I feel about you.


heart - break

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