Why did I bother? (2010-05-30)

Dear Gallus,

So, I'm bored. Yes, I have reached that point where I haven't been at work for too long and I am getting twitchy. But I am on the verge of moving my whole life and having to start all over again- AGAIN and it I just feel kinda sad, yet resigned to it.

I was worried about coming here and having to make friends and so far I haven't had a problem, I have remade my life and social circle three times already, no dramas, but it's just depressing. I meet cool people, and I immerse myself in their lives and then I leave and I have to start all over again.

It's so damn transient. And it makes me crave a relationship, more just for the stability of having ONE person I can be close to. God, I'm so pathetic. I'm sure if I met someone it would just be immensely stressful to have to organise my life around them and then I would get grumpy for the restriction it placed on my freedom.

But that would come later. At the moment I would just love one person to go visit or come see me that was constant, that I could rely on wanting to hear about my day and give me a cuddle and have dinner. And some awesome sex *ahem*. Goddess how I want that.

Honestly, what is the point of having done all of this work, so that I've got my head together and my shit together, if I never get to put it into practise or good use? My body is back in the game, but there's no longer any game to be in, all the other players have left the field, long ago.

And that just makes me so sad.


heart - break

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