Demotivation (2010-06-03)

Dear Gallus,

Today I got most of the rest of the widdle assignment done and I read some of the stuff from my massive journal search and organised my thoughts on the matter.

But essentially, I did shit all.

And now I am panicking about the first one. I have 3000 words to write in 5 days and I haven't even scratched the surface of the reading required.

And the worst part is, I just can't seem to get motivated. I really don't know where the days are going...

I did get confirmation on the job though, so it shall be packing and moving next week- oh the joys! I also sorted out a whole bunch of stuff for Spain and decided to do more of Italy than planned, as it is cheaper to do a countrywide rail pass thingy, then I can see Milan and Florence too. And I might chuck Pisa into the mix as a day trip, I haven't decided.

Honestly though, what the hell did I do with today?? I really can't figure out where all the time went- I made sure I got up at a decent hour, but still it was like 2pm before I made any headway.

Currently I seem to find myself physically ruined by whatever it is my body is fighting and then mentally absent. My usual motivation has deserted me. My ever present drive is still on holiday it seems.

The thing that I just couldn't get out of my head today was: I actually don't know how the hell I can ever go back. Seriously, it is like I am living an alternate life at the moment, while my real one in Oz is on hold- how on earth will I be able to go back to my old life where I don't travel and I am constantly overwhelmed by the demands and drama of others? I can't just do as I please back home, I have people to answer to- and I genuinely cannot fathom how I will be able to go back to that person, that life.

Any ideas?


heart - break

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