I don't want him to go your way (2010-08-12)

Dear Gallus,

I spoke to my bub today! Hooray! I called my mum re: the fucked up shit of the last few days and he was there with our other bro- whom I spoke to last week- for dinner. Hilarious/cute moment, when my middle bro was leaving he yelled out towards the phone (which my Mum had against her ear) "I LOVE YOU *name*". He's so sweet.

Anywho, my bub was all like "Why are you always sick when I speak to you? And why does everything always go wrong?" and he gave me some shit for not coming to see him "So, you can go off to Spain, but you can't come home to see the bros. Everytime I speak to you it's *imitates high voice* 'eeee, I don't know when I'm coming'." Heheh.

I didn't mind, I miss him! I felt much better after speaking to him.

And my Mum basically convinced me to take the GOSH linked job, more for the stability. Of course then my old boss- whom I LOVED- rang me out of the blue to see if I was going to take the position she was offering, except that she seemed to think that it would be until July next year, which is much better! She is finding out for me.

I felt better after speaking to her as I was able to explain my reasons and not sound like a total flake. She totally understood and was really lovely. I'm sure that if they ever had anything else I could apply for it and they would take me back.

Meanwhile I took the plunge and booked to spend 3 days in Madrid solo. It should be interesting given my complete lack of Spanish, but at least I feel like I know the city. I am also going to book a day trip to Toledo.

Essentially I am just going to shop and go to the museum I missed and try not to get into trouble with my complete lack of Spanish. I know how to ask a few important questions and order icecream, so hopefully that will be enough lol.

I also need to do some uni work and do some training next week and just sort out my life to a beyond crazy degree for when I have to start work i.e a monthly travel pass etc.

Aaaannndd the planning for Iceland/Sweden is in full swing! I have dates and am looking at accommodation and I should have the whole lot booked and ready to rock by the end of my time off :D The only problem is that I am seeing a whole bunch of stuff that doesn't run in winter, and that means I will just have to go back next year :D :D :D

Meanwhile I am watching this sort of family swap doco thing with 4 boys and 4 girls. The 4 boys house is making me nostalgic...it's just like my house growing up. It makes me miss my boys :(

I am watching it thinking about how when I was younger I DESPERATELY wanted a sister, more than anything, but now, I wouldn't change it for the world. I love my boys, they are the bestest ever in the whole history of the universe...and possibly even before...

Goddess how I miss them. I cannot WAIT to see them next year! My mum and I were talking about helping my middle bro to get his shit together so that he can come over and live here in the UK, preferrably while I am here to keep an eye on him. I would LOVE it and so would he. Alas, he probably won't consider it just yet- I think his relationship would need to blow up and then he would.

One day, one day, it will happen and he will end up having the time of his life. I think about all of the positive things it has meant for me and how different it has made me and I want that for him. I think he would really get to know himself and it would give him some confidence that he desperately needs.

He is without doubt one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever known- I know that I am biased, but it is true. He is just LOVELY and so funny, so so so ridiculously hilarious. And good looking as weird as it is for me to say it. He looks like Justin Beiber (but without the fringe) if you like that kind of thing...or Justin Beiber looks like him when he was younger...and yet he has the lowest self esteem of anyone I know except perhaps you. And I don't want him to turn out like you. I would do anything to prevent that.


heart - break

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