Disconcerting Concert Experience (2010-09-10)

Desperately want to write entry...but shouldn't, must be up for work at crack of dawn and it's almost midnight...must resist..

Aaaah fuck it.

Dear Gallus,

Soooo I went out to the symphony tonight at the Royal Albert Hall- was a really cool experience, but ironically I think the setting was of more interest to me than the music, but anyway, I'll get to the point (11:56 and counting):

You know those like feelings and whatever I used to get, as Mel used to call them, the 'vibes'? The ones that always told me when you were about to call, so I picked it up first ring, or meant that I would think about someone and the next day they would contact me?

Yeah, well, I had one of those about tonight. I have had it for the last couple of days, but dismissed it due to sleep deprivation/stress. So, anyway, I went out and met a bunch of people I didn't know, who were all nice, I was like, not seeing any cause for vibes here. Then it turns out someone else is meant to be coming, but is running late, and something kind of flutters in my consciousness.

Anyway we get to the RAH and find out seats and I kinda forget about it again, except then this tall guy comes up the stairs- in a throng of people I might add- and even before the person in the group waves to him, I know he's the one who hadn't turned up yet.

Weirder still, we make eye contact and hold it and his face holds this expression of perplexed recognition- even as he is introduced to other people ahead of me (I was sitting at the end of the row), he continues to stare at me.

The concert starts and I catch him stealing surreptitious glances. During the interval he makes sure we are introduced properly and he asks me, somewhat bewildered if we've met before. I assure him we haven't, but I know what he means.

He is just...familiar...in some way I can't quite put my finger on. I must stress at this point that he's not super hot or anything and yet there was this bizarre connection.

This got to the point that we ended up catching the same tube line and he waited for me while I was faffing about and proceeded to ask me a thousand questions- and he had clearly either a) been interrogating our mutual friend about me when I hadn't been listening; or b) had been listening to and parsing my every sentence for information.

For instance, he clarified that I was a speechie (his Mum is one)- how did he know that? Then he went on to check that I had lived in the Uk for a year- definitely not sure how he figured out that one. I had mentioned this earlier in the evening, but that was before he arrived??

And again, he looked at me, searching my features and was like 'I really do think I MUST have met you before.' Our mutual friend had earlier said that he must have seen a pic of me on FB, but to my knowledge she doesn't have any of me up- and he too didn't think he had. I shrugged it off as 'Maybe I just have one of those faces', but honestly it was WEIRD.

Like not attraction exactly, deeper than that. Connection and comfort and familiarity, like I had known him for years. It was the oddest thing.

And nothing really came of it, I went to catch my tube and he was disappointed and was like 'oh, well, maybe we'll see eachother again sometime soon?' and I said 'probably' but I wasn't going to the next event and his face fell and he reiterated 'But, I'm sure I will see you again, at some point...'

And that was that. Now here I sit, still perplexed as to the whole thing. I realised that I have felt it before- with Matt #1, although that was definitely on the lusty side, whereas I'm not sure that this was. Although technically with Matt #1 it wasn't either at the start, but with more time spent together and physical contact it kinda exploded (I almost came, just from him touching my knee, hot damn!). And it was so fucking intense that time, I thought I might actually combust.

This was less scary, but still totally disconcerting. And I'm sure it will probably never go anywhere- it never does once I write about it and analyse the fuck out of it, but at the same time it is still gnawing at my brain every so often, flashing periodically like a beacon. Who is this guy? Why do I feel like I know him?? Why did I feel like I knew what he was thinking the whole time??

Okay I am clearly crazy and I need some sleep.


heart - break

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