Dear Gallus,

So, my housemate was talking the other day about the way that a bunch of her single friends have begun to approach dating similar to the way they approach work i.e they have an action plan that runs in 'quarters', they have analysed the locations and the target market and all this other stuff that I can't remember because I work in health, not marketing, but it was ridiculously detailed.

As you might have already guessed, I laughed my ARSE OFF. Who does that? Is it just me, or is that probably the easiest way to guarantee that any guy will run in the other direction in pure fear??

Nevertheless it did get me thinking. Sometimes I really do wish that I could get people to submit a resume for the position, just to weed out the freaks. And THAT got me to thinking about what mine would look like. I'm not talking some kind of stupid dating site profile, but a real deal report that actually sets out your credentials so to speak.

*ahem*

Personal Characteristics
-Dirty mind/sense of humour
- Intimate knowledge of action movies
- Genuine love of comic books and films based thereon
-Major thing for bikes
-Adrenaline junkie open to any and all extreme sports
-Flexible
-Relaxed attitude towards porn [as long as it doesn't involve animals or children, I don't give a shit]
- Ability to be ready in half an hour (including showering)
- Never cries (I have testimonials for the last two)
- Low maintenance
- Good cook (with references)
-Financially independent (and intent on staying that way)
-Not in any way princessy, prissy or diva like (again, have references)
- Hourglass figure complete with ghetto booty and long legs
- Equal opportunist regarding oral sex
-Trustworthy & loyal

Relevant Experience
- Several years of martial arts
- Gymnastics/dance classes for 21 years
-Yoga and pilates for 8 years
-Burlesque classes
- One serious relationship that ended amicably (sortof)
- 5 sexual partners (who all left happy)

Miscellaneous Guarantees
-Free pass to visit strip clubs
-Dates will only be expected weekly and do not have to be big productions. Hanging out works just fine.
-At least one night per weekend shall be spent apart and this shall be spent however each person sees fit.
-There will be no interrogation regarding time spent apart.
- All sleepovers will result in some kind of sexual contact

References
3 brothers
Numerous male friends
Former housemates

Yup. It's official. I am a catch.

*laughs herself stupid*

-Me

heart - break