I blame you (2010-12-04)

Dear Gallus,

So, I don't really know what to say. This isn't really cohesive inside my head, so fuck knows what it's going to look like on 'paper' (screen).

Winter has officially descended and my mood has plummeted along with the temperature. Fuck, I forgot how miserable it is at this time of year. There's no sunshine and you just feel cold ALL THE TIME. It was -5 today. Ugh.

I just want to be home already. I really miss everyone right now. At the same time I am starting to panic- where am I going to live? In the laide there are my boys and several good friends, but there is also you. Then in Brisvegas there are skanks aplenty, but at the same time there are my friends and their kids that I am going to miss growing up. Unfortunately this is also where most of the jobs seem to be...

Ideally I still think Melbourne, but then I thought the other day, that I will still be really far away from my peeps....but at the same time, can I really handle living in my home town after travelling the world?? Mhmmm...probably not. Sigh.

Meanwhile I have just been hiding out at work. Although I did get to have a snow day today and work from home. Got one and a bit reports done. Bit of a shit effort really. I feel a bit guilty, so I really should do some more work over the weekend.

Goddess I'm boring.

So, back to the interesting thing- at work the girls got to chatting about boys and the bizarre part is that all of them had a fucked up one, just like you. No shit, one of them was talking and it was like having our story retold in an English accent.

And I got to thinking. Does every girl in the world have their own personal Gallus that fucks with their head and causes them immense amounts of angst and misery and yet will always have a piece of them that no-one else can touch?

Here I am thinking that nobody would put up with what I did, and yet clearly that isn't the case. So why can I not just let it go?

Then I remember:

Because, unlike them, I can't have sex again

Because, unlike them, I most likely can't have children

Because, unlike them, I am broken.

And it is all your fault.


heart - break

current | archives | profile | links | rings | cast | reviews
quizzes | email | gbook | notes | host | image | design