Dear Gallus,

So work continues to be shit. Luckily I only have 2 more days to get through, then I am living in my HI caseload and then I go to Egypt and don't have to go back there for almost a month. Bliss!

But I digress. I caught up with a friend from Oz last night who had big news. Background: she kinda has a you and me story (although less harrowing) i.e break up with a guy everyone thought she would marry that she has never really moved on from. They have tried to stay friends but neither could really handle it blah blah. They haven't talked for a while, but whenever they do, the bullshit continues etc.

So on Fri she sends me this text saying we have to catch up, and basically hints that she is seeing someone. This doesn't surprise me, she met this guy a few weeks ago when we were out who seemed mega supremo keen, I figured that has gotten off the ground.

Oh no no no. It is much more fairy tale than that.

Through a long series of circumstances that I won't repeat, her Ex sent her this email earlier in the week explaining why he had deleted her from facebook and why he hadn't been able to handle staying in touch i.e there was still something there.

They started texting and basically she was like 'me too' and then he calls her on Thurs night/early morning Uk time and says 'Sooo, I was just going to do this without telling you but my sister said that would be a bad idea, so I'm just letting you know, I am coming to see you in 10 days'.

Yes, that's right, he is flying across the world, dropping everything to be with her, or at least see if they can try again.

I don't even want to think about what that flight cost, let alone the ramifications of literally putting his life on pause! The only thing is that at least it's over Xmas so he had leave already booked. Still, like I said, I suspect you could probably put a deposit down on a house with the amount of money required to pull this off.

And I actually gasped out loud, I was so shocked. I mean, shit, that stuff happens in movies, not real life! Except clearly it does, that is the scary thing.

And I am so happy for her, but concurrently envious as hell. Don't get me wrong, she totally deserves it and definitely went through some shit with him that means that he did need to do something huge to improve things- BUT the fact is, he is actually doing it.

And all I could think was that you would never do that for me. Hell, you wouldn't even put in the effort for a 3 hr plane ride for $100, let alone 2 days and thousands and thousands of dollars.

I have given you numerous chances to get your shit together and you never have. You've never put your shit on the line and gone for it with me, not once. The only reason you even took a shot in the first place was because of alcohol. And even then, emotionally you held back, wanting for me to decide and to take all the chances and all the risks.

Even now, 4 years on, you can't let me go, but you will never actually make a proper effort either. What's the point Gallus? Why bother putting the feelers out and dipping your toe in the water if you never do anything about it?

I'm telling you right now, that after hearing this story and knowing that this is what people do do, for real, I know that that is the kind of effort I have always wanted from you.

So either dive in, going all out, or leave me the hell alone.

After everything you have put me through, I deserve better than half arsed, And you know it.

-Me

heart - break