Dear Readers,

So I had a fascinating conversation with a friend last night. This is the one of the fairytale ending BTW, but I should back up and explain how we know eachother:

Back when I first moved to Brisvegas, I worked with this girl (that I no longer speak to) and she went to this church and invited me to a whole bunch of stuff and because I didn't know many people I went along. And subsequently I became friends with a whole bunch of guys from there and THEN one day through an odd series of circumstances I wound up at my current friend's boyfriend (of the fairytale ending)'s place playing Risk (which is awesome in case you were wondering) and thus we met when she came over to see him.

Now, what I was informed of last night was what she- and most of the girls from church- thought of me. Apparently her first impression was that I was 'flirty' and 'working an entire room of boys' with my 'boobs hanging out'.

For serious???

I was shocked to say the least. I didn't know whether laugh at the idiocy of the idea, or be utterly horrified.

The irony is of course that:
1) I have never had a single second's worth of interest in anyone from that group. I sure as hell wasn't trying to work the room, they were my mates for crissakes!
2) I am paranoid about my boobs because of their size and NEVER wear stuff that is low cut and I could possibly fall out of, particularly not in that group!
3) I was playing a complete nerd boy game that was not in any way sexy at the time, I mean really, WTF?!

Anyway, we talked about it some more, because I was curious and I also wanted to reassure her that I am not, nor have ever been, interested in her boyfriend. And she dismissed it and was cool, stating that she knows that now, because now she knows me and besides I'm different now.

Apparently I'm not flirty like I was before and instead just have a giant FUCK OFF sign on my forehead.

Again, for serious??

I have been told this before, mostly when I was in Brisvegas where I informed on more than one occasion that I was 'scary', but which I attributed to the fact that I refused to take any shit and be treated the way that women are treated there i.e like dirt on someone's shoe.
(NB: if any playa a-holes from Qld are reading this, I stand by that and your shit will not fly with me. You have been warned.)

So I guess that's why I am perplexed, as if I was flirty then (when I really wasn't) and I'm not now, what has changed?

She thinks it's because I work more and have a really stressful job- but the thing is, I worked the same amount and in a similar high risk position in Qld, so that doesn't really make sense.

I guess the only thing/s that have changed is that I just do not give a shit anymore. I honestly canNOT be bothered with the bullshit and drama. I essentially now have zero tolerance for game playing and the dickheads who do so.

This is probably related to the frustration and anger I feel regarding work. I am more mellow in some ways- quite a lot actually- but more intolerant in others. Most of the time I am so frustrated I actually just want to scream and or bash the shit out of something.

I would like to go on a date though. Not a boyfriend (ugh- reeks of effort), just a date or two. Or even just have some male company. I miss my boys and my guy friends and watching movies and hanging out. I miss guys as a species; I miss the talking shit and mucking around and being a nerd without taking life quite so seriously. I don't have that here and I think that is actually what it is, it's not that I was flirty, it's that I was relaxed and comfortable with my mates and I don't have any here.

So, if there are any non skeazy dudes in London who would like a friend who is a girl- but not a girlfriend- hit me up. I can provide references that I am "a cool chick" (direct quote) if needed.

-Me

heart - break