My heart hurts (2011-06-09)

Dear Readers,

So I got back from my trip yesterday, but I will make some time to actually post about all of my adventures, given that numerous holidays have passed and I haven't really written about any of them.

Right now I am just struggling to motivate myself however.

It's my old client's funeral today...or it was yesterday in Oz time and I just feel sad. Most of all, I will miss that cheeky smile of his, it always used to make my day.

And then I feel guilty for being such a self absorbed cow because I hadn't worked with him for almost 3 years. More importantly, I know that I am being selfish, because he was in a lot of pain. He had one of the most broken bodies I have ever encountered before or since (and yet, one of the biggest personalities), so I feel like a bitch for denying him some peace at last.

It He was one of the first clients I really went to bat for, because I knew, I KNEW he had more potential than anyone- including his own mother- was giving him credit for. Oh my my my, the hours of overtime I spent on his case, it was actually a little horrific, but I didn't care, because all I wanted was for him to communicate, because I knew in my bones that he was in there and he had something to say.

I will never forget the day he "said" his first sentence at the ripe ol age of 15- his mum almost swallowed her tongue, she was so shocked. He had the biggest smile on his face, he was so excited because he knew he had gotten through to her- it was AWESOME.

And it was such a small, seemingly insignificant thing that he said, but he wanted to tell her, he wanted her to know. It was important to him and it ended up being one of the most incredible moments of my working life. I remember getting back in the car (after doing an after hours home visit when I was meant to be on holidays) and simultaneously crying and laughing because HE DID IT!

Everyone said he couldn't and it was wrong of me to try and push it and blah blah blah, but the look on his face when he generated that sentence made every phonecall and argument and drop of blood sweat and tears spent over it worth it. I will take that look to my grave.

And it's just shit that he only had 3 more years left to live and show people what I always knew was in there. He'd been completely written off for five 6ths of his life, it seems incredibly unfair.

And beneath it all is the sad truth that shit things like this happen all the time and it breaks my heart.

Goodbye dude, you were awesome and I won't ever forget you.


heart - break

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