Going Solo (2011-11-01)

Dear Readers,

So, there has been movement within my life of late. My housemate left last week for 2 months- this means that I have had the run of the apartment and have also finally had the use of a car so it very much has been a case of organisation mode *ENGAGE!*

It has also meant that I have been spending lots of time alone, which has been interesting because I have been feeling very much like my O/S persona and thinking about how much my current city reminds me of London in certain ways.But in saying that, I think the main thing is that *I* am the same. I still put myself out there and go and do stuff, even if I do it alone.

Case in point, on the weekend I had been invited by some work peeps to go to a craft show. Now on the day it was grey and rainy and miserable and I was kind of tired- because I had gone to someone's 30th the night before, also on my own- so I contemplated bailing, but at the same time, as previously mentioned, that is not an option as part of my O/S self, so I went.

The work people didn't end up turning up and I also didn't get to catch up with another friend I had sent a last minute txt to and yet, you know what? I didn't give a shit. I pottered around and scored some good deals and reavowed my commitment to getting back in to making jewellery and generally had an awesome day out with myself.

Today was much the same, I had loose plans to catch up with a work friend, but I hadn't heard from her all day, yet rather than being bothered, I just got through most of my to-do list, watched some SYTYCD- catching up on the 3 seasons I have missed!- made 2 new pairs of earrings for myself, did my workout DVDs and generally chillaxed.

Then tonight I got out my phone to txt her that I was making dinner (which ended up AWESOME btw) and see if she wanted some and then I went 'You know what, I am happy to just spend the evening solo.' And so that is what I did.

This is different for me. I usually get all antsy and start to feel trapped between all the sharp edges inside my screwy little head, but I think I have just gotten over that now.

The other funny thing that happened was that KT extended a last minute invite to dinner and then a movie (gotta love the faux date) last night and we were chatting about how she is having a completely different experience to me. She has basically given herself until Xmas and then if things haven't improved she will be going back to Brissie.

And to be honest, I was shocked. For starters I hadn't realised she felt so out of sorts, but also I didn't really think there was much difference between our situations.

I suppose I do know a few more people, but not heaps or anything and I am also having similar type work issues, and yet the thought of packing it all in hadn't even occurred to me. Truly, her saying it was the first time it even crossed my mind and I immediately went 'Nope, I'm staying!'

I think the difference really is in attitude- I am 100% committed to making this work. I will make it work if it kills me- this city will be my bitch damnitt! Like the work thing, yes, it is far far from ideal, yet I have made the compromise in terms of pay and prestige for the perks of time and tax breaks.

It got me here and it is cruisy as hell, so it gives me the mental space to sort my life out, in addition to RDOs and oodles of free time to get my uni work done. I just have to work through the boredom in the meantime.

I think I took it knowing that it was just a filler for me and I reckon I will stick it out for long enough to be respectable-probably until mid next year after I finish my last topic- and then I will move on to bigger and better things.

In the meantime it is nice to have bugger all responsibility and not have to be the one in charge organising everyone all the time. I needed a break from all of that.

Not too big a break mind you, I still want to be recognised eventually as a (to quote Aidz) boss Speechie (as in awesome, not in charge per se). So I guess I have also given myself a timeline, it's just a more lax one.

One thing that does worry me is de-skilling, but I am hoping that I will be able to present myself as being an EI specialist still and into all of the family centred stuff and whatever. It's all about the spin. That and I crammed about 5 years worth of hardcore experience into less than 2 years in the Uk because it was so completely fucked all the time.

So hopefully, hopefully there will be an awesome HI job going mid next year that I can walk in to. Keep your fingers crossed for me!


heart - break

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