Pause (2012-08-05)

To the Boy,

I think I may be done. Again. Don't get me wrong, I still think you are amazing, but I feel this is spiralling out of control and I don't know how much my little twisted soul can take.

I love that you are driven, truly I do, but I don't think it should be at the expense of having time for people that matter. And I know its presumptuous of me to put myself in that category, my point is more that even if I was, I get the feeling it wouldn't change your behaviour.

You'd still be crap with your phone.

We'd still go weeks without seeing each other.

You'd still disappear on me when you got busy.

And most importantly, I would still be living in this constant state of stress and anxiety, not knowing what was going on all the time.

I did that with gallus & it totally fucked with my head for years afterwards, I WILL NOT do it again.

This totally sucks because I like you more than I've liked anyone for ages, but I think this is just the way that it needs to be. I'm becoming obsessive and stressed and the fact that you and your actions can influence my moods in such a profound way is a serious problem.

So this is me, taking a step back. Maybe we will see each other at a group event, maybe not. Maybe you will actually get your shit together and make a move (probably not) but the ball is definitely in your court. And right now, I'm taking a time out, coz that's what I need to do for me.

I hope you get what you want in the end, I really do.


heart - break

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