Dear Readers,

So, his new year's resolution was to be a better friend. And so far, he's actually been staying in contact and we had a whole text conversation on Sunday, which we haven't done for a while. And while I wouldn't say that it was back to the way it was before, it's better.

I miss the playfulness, I have to say. I feel a bit like getting all serious about what is going on in his life and trying to be there for him in that way has kind of sucked all of the fun out of our...whatever it is. I guess I sacrificed our superficial friendship full of flirting and banter and teasing to try and get him to face the reality of his situation and to offer my help. So, while I know it was probably the right thing to do, it does kind of suck, coz I miss that :/

I'm meant to be seeing him tomorrow for coffee after work (yes, that will be 2 outings sans others in a short space of time, impressive no?) and I am trying really hard not to be nervous and to remember that he has too much going on and to not expect anything blah blah...but I don't know that it is really working.

Sigh.

Ironically I think it will be better once I see him and remember why I made the decision I made...it's just hard right now because he of course is doing the stuff I wanted him to do BEFORE I wrote him off.

*throws hands in the air* MEN!

The other thing that helps is imagining having the conversations I would have to inevitably have. That definitely puts a dampener on the whole thing.

Part of me wonders if I will ever meet anybody where it's suddenly just not an issue and it's all easy and it just WORKS. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to think that for me, that kind of thing may only exist in Wonderland.

My treatment has pretty much progressed as far as I think it is going to and I think there's no way of knowing if it has been enough and I can get through it without actually trying it out.

And that's not happening any time soon.

Damn trust issues. Bah humbug

-Me

heart - break