My shit is a mess (2013-02-24)

Dear Readers,

I'm feeling really stressed out and out of control of my life right now. There is so much going on and I don't feel like I have a handle on it. At all.

My shit's a mess.

-My new job is super intense and I'm dealing with mofo bullshit politics
-My old job went to shit and I just don't have the time to devote to it to keep on top of it all
-I am still massively behind on my dissertation and meanwhile I am getting pressured to get it done and have it be awesome
- I've just taken on yet again MORE work with a private client, but I really couldn't say no
- Shit with the boy fell apart and now...I don't know.
- I was informed today that my housemate wants to move out, so I now have to find a new place to live.


I honestly don't know if I can do this. I think this may be too much for me. Like, for real. The problem is, just like a bear hunt -I can't go over it, I can't go under it, I have to go THROUGH it.

And I know that I have done crazy stuff like this before, but I really really really thought it was over with and I swore I would never do it to myself again. This time, it is a mixture of my choices and then unforeseen circumstances, but I just feel so totally overwhelmed and I really can't see how I'm going to manage this.

And of course, I saw the boy tonight and now i'm in a tailspin. Every time I think I'm over it, I see him and I get fucking butterflies. Every fucking time.

I will need to write this all out later, but currently it's super late, so I will leave this here...unless I can't sleep in which case you will see be back here shortly.

Send me some positive vibes people, I need them!


heart - break

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