That was unexpected... (2013-05-23)

Dear Readers,

So, things kinda took an unexpected turn with that guy. And it has definitely thrown me a bit. I just don't know what he wants. Or what I want.

So tomorrow night I am going over to his place and we are going to hash it all out.

The problem is that I haven't really been sleeping because I have just been thinking about it over and over and over and over. And I keep changing my damn mind, which is driving me crazy, but honestly, every time I think I have a handle on it, I start thinking about it all over again and I find some new dimension and I start spazzing OUT.

The amazing part is, then I speak to him tonight and he calms me down again. Which is fucking weird, right? And it wasn't even anything he particularly said, because it was just a chitchat, but it was like I heard his voice and, I don't know, I just chilled right out, pretty much instantly.

At the same time, when I'm by myself I feel completely out of control and frankly, kind of terrified. Can I actually do this, or am I just going to fuck myself up in the process?


Arrggh, I just wish he never told me, or at the very least he had waited until my dissertation was in, because at the moment my head is a fucking mess and I just can't focus.

This is all a bit much really. I think I need a timeout :(


heart - break

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