It's all a bit much... (2014-08-10)

Dear Readers,

So, everything is a bit of a mess. I'm trying to find a new place to live. This has sped up my plans to buy something, except of course, in my price range, it's all shit.

I hate moving with a fiery fiery passion- forged in the pits of Mordor style. And it's just so stressful. My skin is of course reacting accordingly. Damnitt.

My project has kinda been on hold which is good, but it's about to enter the next phase and I honestly cbf with it, because I am so shitty about doing all of this work and not being acknowledged or paid.

My health took a turn for the worse. I might have Addison's, but they don't know. After a very invasive and super un-fun test, they don't think I have PCOS, so that's a plus.

I also saw a very expensive liver specialist (I am seriously in the wrong field) and apparently my liver is okay, but he thinks the plague damaged my digestive system, so I probably need to go on a FODMAP diet. I of course promptly told him to get stuffed, because it would (no exaggeration) cut out 90% of the food that I eat because I'm a vegetarian (actually making me sicker, you dumbass). He then tried to get me to see a very expensive dietician who only works a half day a fortnight. Spfft. Why not ask one of my many friends and get the same info FREE. Dumbass.

Then of course, there was just this week of tragic fucking news- my good friend from uni's brother committed suicide and it kinda made me lose my shit. Not just because it reminded me of Sam, but because if that was one of my boys…ugh, even the thought makes me teary and terrified and I have to resist the urge to call them, just so I know that they are ok. I felt so awful for her and she's interstate and I couldn't get any time off. So that sucked.

Then one of my work colleagues (that I share an office with) got diagnosed with not one, but 3 brain tumours, all inoperable. This woman is super fit and takes really good care of herself and is the same age as my mum (55). She also only started experiencing symptoms the same week she was diagnosed, so it is all pretty fucked up really.

Then another good friend's friend was diagnosed with leukaemia at the ripe ol age of 33. And by the sound of it, she is screwed (not that my friend wants to admit that, but it's in her bones, so she's fucked).

That same weekend another good friend from work's 19 year old son was in hospital with unexplained cardiac symptoms- thank god that one has had a happy ending though! I honestly was terrified that he would die, or be incapacitated in some way, it was just that kind of a week.

And I am still reeling from it all and feeling really overwhelmed. Luckily I have had a bit of a break from my private work this week with cancellations. I really needed it! The constant searching for a house is also really taking it's toll. I smashed out 3 inspections and a drive by yesterday and then another (rental) inspection today.

Thus, in a word, I'm tired. So tired. Anybody have a pause button for the fucked up whirligig that is currently my life?

-Me

heart - break

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