50 shades of vanilla (2015-05-30)

Dear Readers,

Disclaimer: This might be slightly confronting for some readers, but it's my diary, so I'm still going to talk about it. You have been warned.

So, I watched Fifty Shades of Grey the other night (it was a free rental) and I must confess, I really don't get what the big deal is. There's been lots of articles about how it glorifies domestic violence and controlling relationships and all I can say is: da fuck?

The whole movie he gets consent. The whole time he lets her call the shots. The whole time he tells her she can go at any point etc. etc. and she has safe words- which she never uses. She wants him to 'show her how bad it gets' and -after checking she is sure ffs- he does (FYI- still pretty vanilla, but I will get to that) and then she freaks out and wants to leave, but choses not to leave straight away (um?) and then does leave and he lets her, agrees to refund the money for the car, leaves her alone when she asks etc. My point is, I am not seeing a DV relationship here people. Yes, selling her car is totally controlling, but that wasn't the part people got upset about.

Pretty Woman is WAY WORSE in terms of controlling and treating her like an object and yet everyone sees that as romantic, but this as domestic violence. What the hell?!

The only thing I can think of is that it's because of the 'BDSM' themes. I use the term loosely because it's all bluff and no ballgag (see what I did there). There's this room with all of this stuff and 'the worst' is spanking with a belt-only 6 times too. Fuck off! She wasn't hog tied and gagged, with nipple clamps, hot wax and a butt plug. And that is just the shit I can come up with off the top of my head, having never done any of it.

Totally vanilla and yet people are getting all upset about it.

To be clear, I think DV is a HUGE issue that isn't talked about, that is why I am kinda pissed off that this has been labelled as such when it's not. Someone entering in a consensual sexual arrangement is not DV- even if there are whips involved. If someone is FORCED into such an arrangement, or is underage, or in some other way not really able to give informed consent, different thing, but that's not what this movie is about. And there are so many movies that glorify it and yet get labelled as chick flicks. What the hell people?!

Equally I don't get why everyone got so flustered about the 'BDSM' thing, when there is basically nothing in there. She literally teases him the entire time and giggles and seems to treat it like a joke. For a real sub/dom relationship, it's not funny. It's about control and trust and it's a real thing for some people, not a game. And really, the only thing he actually does is bondage with some spanking. Whoopty fucking do.

If I was part of the BDSM community, I would be utterly livid, that my sexual preference was completely watered down and misunderstood and treated like a joke and THEN accused of being DV. God help you people if you read/saw anything that was actually BDSM. And open your fucking eyes- DV doesn't necessarily involve tying someone up. Particularly if the tying is consensual for fuck's sake.

I don't know, it's times like these I think that I am like a zebra in a pack of cows. I don't consider myself particularly kinky, just open I guess, but then shit like this goes down and I genuinely fail to see what the big issue is. Am I weird? Is everyone else just far too vanilla?

Thoughts to ponder…


heart - break

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