Dear Readers,

Forgive me, this will be ranty and probably make very little sense, I am just trying to process.

WHAT AM I DOING?!

I essentially slept with someone I JUST MET. I contemplated risking my sexual health for someone I didn't even know! Even now, I am contemplating seeing him tomorrow. What the fuck?! I hate people, I never want to see them again straight away!

And of course, then I start emotionally investing and that makes me paranoid and spaz. Like he texted me yesterday, only a few hours after I left his house. And he texted me tonight, asking what I was doing. But he hasn't called me yet, so I am starting to get anxious. Why whyyyyyyy?!

****

Okay, so I called him- because I wanted to check on if he wanted to catch up and we kinda had an argument. And I don't know that this is going to work. He's so open, and I am just…not. And he is getting frustrated because he doesn't get why. And I know that he likes me and he wants it to be easy, but things with me aren't easy and I am trying really hard to trust him but I am so afraid.

He was so happy that I was going to see him tomorrow. And he was teasing me and joking around and said that he would buy condoms and I just kinda freaked out. And he just doesn't know about all this stuff. But he wants to. And I just don't know if I can handle being this vulnerable this quickly.

I don't know if I am sabotaging, or he is being unreasonable. Possibly a bit of both.

Damnitt, this is why I can't have nice things.

-Me

heart - break