New stuff and stuff (2019-02-25)

Dear Readers,

I felt I should write an update, if only for posterity.

1) I got accepted to do my PhD and my life is even more insane than it was already. There's so much to get done, and I just feel like my life is a never ending 'To Do' list. I really hope that I can do this. I oscillate between 'This will be so fucking cool once it is done' and 'AAAAAHHHHHHH what the hell have I done?!'

2) I am still with the guy, it will be 18 months in a few weeks, which is just bizarre to think about. We went overseas together a month ago for a milestone birthday. And whilst the trip was a bit smeh, and we did have our first ever fight (it was always going to happen in a foreign country when you get lost) I think it showed me that we could live together, because through everything, we were a team.

For example, after the fight we talked about stuff like adults and he saw things from my side, and we resolved it and then when we found ourselves in the same situation the next day, there was no fight, we just problem solved together and communicated much more effectively.
So that was actually really good. And the reason the trip was smeh was because of the other annoying people in the group, whereas when we were just by ourselves it was great.

And I definitely learnt a lot about him- partially why I think overseas travel should be mandatory before anyone gets married- and saw the pressure points that he has. Luckily they are not the same as mine, so I was able to see the issue and just deal with it.

I think it also helped that I could see they are all variations on a theme- he really doesn't deal with with waiting/lines (having to circle for a car park turns him from the sweetest, most nurturing dude into Mr Hyde), so having to wait for an hour in immigration was like watching a windshield slowly cracking as he got more and more irritated. Whereas, I am patient to a fault (I work with kids, professional hazard), and also, I lived in England for two years, and went in and out of Heathrow more times than I can count- I am a seasoned line waiter!

He also is a follower of rules, and this extends to travel whereby he doesn't like to wander, he has to KNOW where he is going, or he gets super anxious and stressed, and then snappy. He likened it to cooking, whereby he will meticulously follow a recipe to the letter, whereas I am much more fast an loose- guidelines only, even when it comes to baking (Dangerspouse, he could not live in your house, his little head would explode lol).

I think I learned about myself a little bit too- I definitely am not a tour person. I am far too independent, and want to do my own thing, but more importantly, people are fucking annoying. #Fact.

But not the guy. Even after the fight, I didn't think he was annoying, I was just upset about the fight. And I have been feeling very reflective and grateful to have him in my life on the whole.

He helped me get through my mother's 60th bday where I was literally treated like a slave for two days and he was an absolute SAINT. Ran every bullshit errand without question or complaint, tolerated her yelling at him and generally being a psycho and was lovely to everyone, even though my gigantic family is big and loud and more than a bit much on the whole.

The consistent phrase/feedback I get about him is that 'He is so lovely'. And that is from a lot of hard to please people. And I agree, the best description of him is just that- lovely. So that's something nice in my life of madness.

3)I have been asked to do something very high level and very cool for my job this week. It did unfortunately come with a bit of a back hand warning to be professional which was totally unnecessary, but then I went into ice queen analytic mode and rattled off a bunch of data off the top of my head, and I think they actually saw that when I am in my clinical area, I know my shit and can bat with the heavy weights. Just watch me ;)

There's probably more, but that's enough for now


heart - break

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