No heartbreaks please (2003-09-07)

Dear Panda,

I feel like Iím on the brink of something, I can feel the edge of the cliff with my toes and yet I refuse to either step back or step over. The universe seems to be cosmically arranging itself around us and yet weíre both standing there with our eyes scrunched up tight, refusing to see whatís in front of us.

And itís not just me whoís noticed it. I was told by another friend that we look like weíre together emotionally and that he thought we could quite easily be married. But thatís not the problem, because I can always ignore other peopleís opinions, the problem is that I cannot ignore what my body tells me.

I hum with your nearness, blissfully happy just to stand in your presence. And itís not like with James, where itís pure lust, because I have NEVER felt so safe and content as I do when Iím in your arms, itís likeÖhome. I can imagine being in those arms for the rest of my life and that scares me more than you could possibly know.

I donít want to love someone only to find out that they are incapable of loving me back, because it just hurts too damn much. So please Panda, Iím begging you, be my friend or be my lover, but donít break my heart.

-Me

heart - break

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