Dear Readers,

You are all very sweet. I will attempt to refrain from making grand melodramatic statements for here on.

Problem is, I can't shake this feeling. I feel like my soul is kindling right now. This is probably not helped by the fact that I feel completely disconnected from everyone back home and I spoke to my brothers and I just miss them so so much my heart actually aches.

Oh, that and my best friend- the one who never wanted children- is pregnant again.

I can't have kids because of what he did to me and she will have two. And I can't even be mad at her, coz I love her and I love her daughter and I will love this one too, but it makes me want to shake my fist at the sky and rage at the injustice of the universe.

Why the fuck do people who don't want kids (Mel, Gallus) have them with such ease??

And why did that option get taken away from me, when it was the one thing I always knew I wanted??

I don't think I will ever stop hating him for doing this to me.

-Me

heart - break