Don't specialise- it's exhausting! (2011-06-23)

Dear Readers,

I probably need to explain what I am about to say but right now, I just have to say it:

I have worked really hard to get where I am, but there are times when being top of the game SUCKS ARSE. This is one of those times.

And honestly, it hardly seems worth it.

Why bother working your arse off and doing hrs of overtime finding research that then nobody else is interested in?

All anyone is interested in will be discrediting me. So essentially I have worked a full day of unpaid overtime- all after hrs when I am home after a full day at work- to get completely reamed later this week.

And I fucking hate it, because no-one else has bothered to put in the yards and the research, including the Ed Psych who's testimony this whole thing hangs on (along with mine) and she actually said "Yeah, I probably should have done that too, but I just couldn't be bothered." Awesome!

So can someone please explain to me why I am??

The sad truth is that it's not about the child- although that is part of it- it's that I am physically incapable of not giving 110%. That and I am terrified of looking like an unqualified idiot in front of a room full of more experienced professionals.

Thus I do hours and hours and hours worth of overtime and read every possible article that has been written about Deaf education in the last 10 years.

But I still feel unprepared. And scared.

Oh and really fucking tired, did I mention that?

I hope you are all having a better week than I am...


heart - break

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