Get the net (2004-11-09)

Dear Stephen,
Okay so I lost the bet. Supposedly at least. And then you freaked out on me and things were all weird and fucked for 6 weeks. I fucking hated that, so I called you and managed to (I thought) sort everything out.
Then I saw you and now I feel like everything is all weird again and I have NO FREAKING IDEA WHY. What the hell is going on with you? Why do I get the vibe that you are ignoring me/avoiding me?
Why do I also get the vibe that you are scared shitless of me and the way I make you feel? I know what you felt when you hugged me last week and it was fucking intense, so how the hell can you act like I don't exist? How can you be dating this girl who you don't even like that you ADMIT isn't what you want?
I don't get it. I don't get how you can feel what you obviously feel and yet continue to pretend as if there is nothing there. I get the fear of an intense relationship thing, I am so there myself, but what you don't seem to understand is that that is not what I am asking of you.
I'm not asking for your heart you idiot, just your friendship and I'm not quite sure how much clearer I can be. I don't know how to convince you that I don't have ulterior motives and I have no idea how to stop you from wigging on me over something that is essentially all in your head.
I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU. I just want you to act like a normal human being and for things to go back to the way they were before that weird night where what you felt scared you so much that you had to run away.
Coz I miss you and I want my friend back.

heart - break

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