Dear Gallus,

I miss you. God I miss you. I miss my friend so damn much it hurts. The problem is that I can't even contact you, because our relationship put a space the size of the Grand Canyon between us and filled it with bullshit and pain and emotional angst.
You are the one person that I used to be able to talk about this stuff with, that always helped me get out of my own head and sort it out, but the problem is that this time you are the one that caused it.
When I think about that night and what happened I get this burning, clenching pain in my chest. Every single time. A year and a half later and I still have to hold back the tears. A year and a half later and I still can't have sex with anyone else. A year and a half later and I am still stuck in the same place emotionally, unable to move forward.
There are times when I wish I had stopped you, when you started kissing every inch of my skin. Wished I said 'stop, hold on, this isn't worth risking everything' as you claimed me with your mouth and your hands. But even now this treacherous part of me whispers- yes it was, yes it was and I would do it all over again if you asked me to.
When I close my eyes I can still feel you.
Tell me, how am I supposed to move on from that?
-Me

heart - break