What if you're actually mine? (2008-05-28)

Dear Gallus,

So I've been missing you heaps lately and feeling really down about the whole situation and torturing myself with thoughts of you(her) being pregnant or engaged. Now while logically I know this is probably just hormone related- don't you just love PMS- it's been driving me nuts.

And then my Mum said the most interesting thing last night- that if you were what I really, truly wanted, I would have you. Apparently if you were it, I would have taken any number of the "openings" and broken up your relationship and you would be mine without too much effort on my part.

And while I don't know if she's right, it did get me thinking- is that what you've been waiting all this time for me to do? Is that why you sent me a text when you thought she was moving out and you were free? Did you expect me to race over and claim you, given that you were mine emotionally all along?

Is the truth that all these months, when I've been feeling like I belong to you, that you have a piece of me that no-one else can touch, that really it's the other way around?

Could it be that this whole time I've been missing you, I've had you all along???

And the even scarier thought is- if that's true, do I even want you?


heart - break

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