To myself,

So, you made a big arse call at your counsellor's and you said you wanted to tackle the elephant that is the sex issue- but then you had to tempt goddamn fate and say 'But I don't think there's any point, given that there is no boy and it's not really an issue at this stage'.

Cue party on Sat night and appearance of a boy.

I fucking knew it. It happens every bloody time- I think 'It's cool, I have some down time, I can sort my head out without any kind of catalyst/drama/issue'. And then one appears out of thin fucking air!

Now, listen to me, you got away with it this time- you got cuddles, but didn't have to have sex- but it was a fucking close call (no pun intended). You really need to watch yourself sweets, coz you're playing with fire and you know it!

You just need to make up your goddamn mind- either a) you're going to be open to opportunities to have random hook ups, or b) you're going to stay with your previously chosen excessively moral path.

Now if you choose b) this means that you're not allowed to be half arsed and let things get to a point where you're faced with a choice about what to do, because you need to have made the choice ALREADY.

Equally, if you choose a) this means you need to stop being wishy washy and actually commit to seeing things through.

Basically you either need to take a shot and just have sex knowing that no, it won't be someone you know really well and have really strong feelings for OR you need to be much more militant in your resolve to wait for said mythical person, knowing that it could take a bloody long time (and no, you're not allowed to be impatient).

What you can't do is this yes/no, hot/cold crap you've been pulling, because it's not fair and it's stressful and it could very well land you in some serious shit. While you know that you can say no, you also know better than anyone that that doesn't mean that the other person will listen.

So yeah, either suck it and see, or decide once and for all to be abstinent until The One pops up, but make a bloody choice already, you're driving everyone nuts!

Love
-Me

heart - break