Independence (2009-11-06)

Dear Gallus,

So someone new found me, and I read hers and it's just like...symmetry. I love that!
She is much more honest about the sex stuff though. There's lots of things she writes about I would just never have the guts to write about, even here! (I mean that with complete admiration, not judgement, just so we are clear)
But I'm stressed. And upset about things and I'm trying to let them go, but because I am stressed and not sleeping, every time I think about it, I just get more agitated. Sigh.
And it's now when the loneliness hits and I realise just how far away I am from everyone. But do you know the weird part- I don't miss you anymore, even now, when I am probably at my lowest point for a while. And this pleases me.
All the fantasies I have about you are about me with someone else, showing you how far I have come and how much better my life is now that I have really and truly left you behind.
Obviously the someone else bit is a bit of a work in progress, but I think even if I were to see you now, and you did have a kid and were married to pathetic girl, I would still be proud of my life. I would still show off all that I have accomplished, WITHOUT anyone, including you.
See, you didn't ruin my life. I admit it was touch and go for a moment there, but I got back control and am creating something that is turning out pretty well. And I did/am doing it all by myself and it's all for me. Everything I do now, is all because I want to, to create something fantastic for myself.
So I guess you were right, I didn't need you at all.

heart - break

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