Excuse me, I have to scream now. (2011-01-21)

Dear Readers,

So, I am grumpy. Megasupremosuperduper pissed off. And I know I shouldn't be, but I am and and AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!

Normally I would vent about this to my lovely Alyssa, but she gets enough of my shit, so I am dumping here.

1) My mega expensive surprise for my brother that cost me $2000 is a fucking crapshoot. All because someone I would never have expected couldn't keep their mouth shut.
Even saying that I know I am being unfair, it's not her fault, I never told her it was a secret, but that was because I never expected her to tell him either. She is not a blabbermouth, except for now and unfortunately it has made me kinda feel like the whole thing was a waste.

2) I am not getting paid this week because I am surrounded by incompetence and incompetents who can't send off a fucking fax on time.

3) I had to ask my mother to transfer more money into my account in order to pay for uni. This makes me feel like shit. I HATE borrowing money. It's just too fucking hard to transfer internationally, so I had no choice.

4) I may not be able to go to Morocco due to impulsively booking Turkey, which I now kinda regret...

5) I have had a really full on stressful week and haven't been sleeping well. This hasn't been helped by wacko nightmares. Like last night, I dreamt I had a miscarriage. I'm not even pregnant, what the fuck! But the horror and pain of it woke me up in tears. It was AWFUL.

6) I got this totally irritating bullshit patronising phonecall from another specialist who works at a hospital who thinks she is god. She called me to ask me to essentially do her work for her in the form of this particular activity that she does at the start of every session, but which I think is kinda pointless. She was all 'Oh but we find *blah blah*' and I was honestly just too fucking tired to argue and was just like 'yeah okay, whatever.'

Truly, I see no point in it, just to 'check the equipment is working'. And if it's not? Then what? Unlike you, I do not have audiologists and technicians and thousands of pounds of equipment on hand *eye roll*. If it's not working then there is sweet fuck all I can do. And doing it every session is just a waste of goddamn time. I would rather actually do some therapy- what a novel idea.

But I couldn't say this. I just had to agree like a fucking lackey and goddamn did it piss me off.

So yes. I am a supremely grumpy pants this evening. And I just can't wind down because I am too fucking pissed off.

It's time like these I wish I drank or did drugs, just to take the edge off. Sigh.


heart - break

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