Dear Readers,

So. Dating.

Sigh.

I work myself up about all this, then I go on a date with someone and realise- it's actually pretty bloody easy when you don't really give a fuck about them (yet). The inter webs though, makes getting to that point fucking mind boggling. So games. Much bullshitness. Wow.

I have some dark and spiky stuff to discuss, but I don't really feel like it right now, so in the meantime, some thoughts for you all

1) I would say that at least half of all of the guys online are on the Autistic spectrum. And that is a conservative estimate. I went out with one of them the other week against my better judgement. Don't be judgemental they said. Give him a chance they said. WORST DATE EVER I said.

2) Those that aren't, still don't have a motherfucking clue. The photos they put up, ye gods. They either look like a prison mugshot, or alternatively like a photo that would later be used in a media release for someone who stabbed their mother in her sleep. I'm not even kidding.

3) So many non monogamous dickheads, I can't even tell you. The worst part is that I actually specified that 'not already being in a relationship is preferable'. e.g Don't email me you morons! And they are UNATTRACTIVE af too. I just don't understand it. One of them has a partner in Sydney- wtf is the point of that? You don't even live in the same city, so just consider yourself shag friends and be done with it, don't overly complicate everyone else's life.

4) You realise that guys are seriously fucking weird. As in wears the lotion on its skin kind of freaky. I know so many lovely, cute/hot, successful, NORMAL single women. SO WHY ARE ALL THE MEN FUCKING FREAKS?!

See, this is what happens. Someone well meaning convinces me that I am getting older (true), and there are more single women than men (true), and I work in a female dominated workplace (depressingly true), so therefore I have a better chance of meeting someone online (LIES).

So I do that thing that all single girls do the world over but secretly hate, I *put myself out there* (gag). Then when the tidal wave of freaks, cheating assholes, and ASD computer geeks with no social skills has completely robbed me of all will to live and I am huddled in the corner rocking back and forth- usually around the 2 month mark- I finally give it up and delete my profile and swear off online dating. Again. Until a year or so later when someone asks me 'Oh, but have you tried RSVP?' And I stab them to death with a fork.

You've all been warned. Internet dating is the tenth circle of hell. Anybody who says any differently is selling something.

-Me

heart - break