Dear Misguided Uncle,

You may think you are all that and a bag of potato chips because you have managed to coerce everyone else into going to this stupid thing, but do not think that I am going to follow suit, because I can tell you right now, it�s never going to happen. YOU have ensured that with your bullshit pressure and attempts to force me through guilt and emotional blackmail.

Fuck off. That amounts to entrapment, and while they have all capitulated, I am much stronger than that.

You have made the classic mistake of underestimating me and assuming that I will simply do whatever you tell me to, a concept as hilarious as it is unlikely. All you have succeeded in doing is pissing me off and forcing me to take an even more stubborn position than I held already.

In a nutshell, due to your lack of understanding and social finesse you have guaranteed that the only way I will be partaking in your precious landmark bollocks is if I am there in a wooden casket. Well done, that�s quite an achievement.

-Me

heart - break