Dear Gallus,

So, the Brighton job seems to have panned out, so I will definitely have a job when I get back. That means that I will be able to have a week and a half off before my holiday to get shit sorted, and just generally recover from everything. Then off on my awesome holiday (we hope).

Meanwhile I talked to Foss today. And we discussed you and how I find myself missing you- as my friend- and how much it shits me. And how I still feel icky whenever I have to hear anything about you and how it's still so damn hard.

And the thing is, she says that that is just part of being human. Which got me thinking about all of the diaries I am reading and the recurrent themes within them:

a) being hurt that you got hurt and they go along like nothing ever happened

b) feeling like you will never get over it

c) feeling alone because you can't talk about it

And she said something interesting, that maybe the reason that people can't handle someone talking about something that painful and raw is because they don't want to be reminded of things like that in their own past- basically they are being wussy, it's much easier to pretend like nothing bothers you than to admit that it does and try to work through it.

Which is a way of thinking about it I've never considered. And I think she's probably right.

It still pisses me off though.

-Me

heart - break