Where's Nemo when you need him? (2012-05-10)

Dear Readers,

Be prepared for a bit of navel gazing. I apologise in advance ;)

So, thankfully I seem to have gotten over the beige. I have gotten back on track at uni (ish) and gotten on to my UK tax stuff and sent in my real estate stuff and I can't remember what else, but definitely not beige. Still no idea what caused it in the first place though.

I am off to Sydney again in a week, luckily my friend who has gone off the rails isn't going to be there. This sucks in that I have to pay for accommodation and I don't have anything to do outside of uni, but it's good in that I will actually get some damn sleep and don't have to stress about her getting all antsy.

Still no word from the Boy. Happily I can report that my 'smeh, his loss' feeling from the beige has continued. Ironically all of my friends still think he was/is into me, but as I have said before (and will no doubt say again) it doesn't matter if he's not actually willing to do anything about it. Case closed!

This ties in with something that a friend said when she came to visit me last weekend (I'll get to all of THAT later). She has this theory- that I am an anemone. Essentially I look all pretty and soft and squishy and fish (guys) are always enticed, but then for some reason it just doesn't pan out, it's like I do something crazy to them and make them spaz and weird (e.g sting them). Thus her theory is that I just need to find a clown fish.

Now normally this kind of BS would annoy me, but you know what, I think she has a point. Generally speaking, it's so rare that I like a guy and it always seems great on paper but then for some reason it just doesn't seem to translate into practise, so maybe it is simply chemistry on some kind of electron level. And maybe it's the beige, but surprisingly, I'm cool with that.

So onto the visit. I realised something- aside from the fact that I am apparently a predatory sea plant- I am becoming increasingly intolerant in my old age. This is why I honestly can't imagine ever living with anyone, because the sad truth is, people annoy the shit out of me.

I'm deadly serious. I have a 24hr maximum before I just reach my limit and end up wanting to punch them in the face. Less if they're chatty.

And my friend, bless her, is the biggest motormouth alive. I wanted to kill her within an hour of picking her up from the airport and unfortunately for me, she did not shut up for 3 entire days. It was AGONY. I think it's partially due to the fact that she really did just talk non-stop, but also because I got NO SPACE and there are certain traits that I can handle in small doses, but definitely not for a solid 72 hours.

For instance, the constant rehash of every event, or conversation, big or small where it would be retold but with a different spin- often in front of me, regardless as to whether or not I was an original participant in said event or conversation, or if she had told me before.

God I'm a bitch, but honestly, I couldn't WAIT to drop her back at the airport and go home and just shut myself off in my room in peace and quiet. It was glorious!

The part that scared me was that I see some of those same traits that drove me up the wall in myself and I had this horrible thought of Oh my god, is this the way that other people see me? Am I this fucking annoying all the time?

Bizarrely it gave me a new found sympathy for the introverts that I work with. I was with someone like me (but on speed/steroids) for a weekend and it was EXHAUSTING. I'm sorry social hermits, I take it back, I get why you can't handle me now, fair enough.

And on that note, time for sleepies.


heart - break

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