Dear Readers,

I remain overwhelmed and pretty much unable to make a decision because it's just all too damn much at the moment.

Here is the list of shit I can't seem to get together:

-Do I apply for this grant?

If yes, that leads to the fact that I need to get my shit together with this group and organise exactly what I want to do the grant on- Side bar: do I do what I'm interested in, or look for something that is potentially going to guarantee a grant?-and contact my old ToD for a reference and magically find another new person for another one and also contact someone who I found out has been implementing the same stuff...possibly...

-Do I really want to do this group? Given that I can't even get it together to write the proposal, how the fuck am I actually going to commit to something long term?

-Do I want to stick with the current topic for the dissertation, which to be honest came about in the most half assed way, or should I actually ditch the grant and just do the dissertation on what I was going to go for the grant for, given that I may not get approved for the grant anyway?

- Do I go for the grant through work, knowing that it may also mean I have to stay there longer? And more importantly do it on something stupid and potentially boring, just for the sake of going O/S?

-Do I want to do my dissertation this year, or do I delay it AGAIN?

The whole reason for staying in this piss easy job was to give me time to finally finish this goddamn degree

-Can I handle staying in this job for more than a year and a half?

-Is it better to stick to the original plan and just see out the year, then look for something new?

-If so then WHEN THE FUCK will I actually do my dissertation?

- Do say fuck it all and just use the money that would go towards the dissertation on a trip to Cambodia/Vietnam?

Ugh, my head hurts!

-Me

heart - break