Paranoia is the name of my dating game (2012-07-19)

Dear readers,

So, I'm meant to be seeing him for a group movie/dinner date tomorrow night. And I am quietly freaking out over here. I tell myself I don't care but I swear to fucking god the guy has so many fucking girls writing on his facebook, it really stresses me out. Particularly because some of them are seriously gorgeous. What kind of chance do I have?

And I know that this is ridiculous given that I can't talk, I have stacks of guy friends and aidz in particular is always posting on my wall and more importantly, he hasn't proven that he actually even sees me 'that way' so this is all academic, but still!

I think this is my problem, I have this shitty core belief that I am broken and that no one will want me and it really fucks with my head at times like these. I become paranoid about stupid stuff & convince myself of the worst possible outcomes e.g he stands me up; he thinks I'm a freak & tells me to delete his number; it turns out he has had a g/f this entire time.... Like I said, it doesn't have to be likely to still be running around my anxious little head. And of course him being the international man of mystery doesn't help.

Just writing this makes me feel like throwing in the towel with the whole thing. Fuck knows how I'm going to get through 5ish hrs tomorrow night :(


heart - break

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