The choice (2013-05-27)

Dear Readers,

So, I don't know if it's lack of sleep, or the hormones in my new pill fucking with me or what, but I am FREAKING OUT. And seemingly, Mr you can always talk to me, doesn't want to talk, which frankly, kind of pisses me off.

It's easy for him, he's getting everything he wants, whereas he is challenging me on everything I believe about myself and sex and relationships and what I want.

And it's fucking hard. Really, really hard.

I think I have it sorted about what I want and then I change my mind, because at the end of the day, I just don't know if I can do this. I thought maybe I could, but if this is the way it's going to be, it just isn't sustainable.

So, I just had a 2 hour chat with Aidz, which helped me narrow this down. Essentially what I am choosing between is how badly I want to fix this fucking issue and whether or not it is worth compromising myself to the degree that I think I will have to to be with him.

THAT is why it is so hard to let go of. Not because of him, or feelings for him, but because he represents my potential future with someone else.

While I still don't know wtf I'm going to do, I do feel better for having realised this.

Now I seriously need to go and do some work.


heart - break

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