Dear Readers,

Ok, so I did end up seeing him, what I essentially realise was too early, because yes, I do hate people and he drove me FUCKING INSANE. This was not helped by the fact that I was knackered and having a batshit crazy week at work and a particularly full on day. I wasn't at my best, but still, I couldn't help but wonder (Carrie Bradshaw style)- was he this annoying 2 days earlier? No, he definitely wasn't, because otherwise he never would have gotten me naked.

Anyway, I was miserable for the first half, then- after bugging me like a child to get dessert- he finally calmed the fuck down. And he was sweet and goofy and like he was on Saturday- except then he was tired and didn't want to fool around. He did want me to stay (again), but I knew I wouldn't sleep, so I bailed, and in my haste/sleep deprivation I left my earrings behind by accident. Damnitt.

And then I didn't hear from him for 5 days and I started to think he had ghosted me. It was telling that I was mostly upset that I might have lost my earrings, rather than the idea that we might have hooked up only for it to essentially be a one night stand.

Turns out, I think he was pouting, as I did then hear from him, completely out of the blue, like nothing ever happened. I feel like he doesn't know what to make of me, and he wants me to be more open and clingy like normal girls. I also get the vibe that he wants more from me, emotionally and physically. And while I don't think the former is going to happen- particularly given recent events- I can't stop thinking about the latter.

I want to sleep with this person. Correction: I want to drive him out of his tiny mind with lust, and push every boundary he has physically until he can't take it anymore, and THEN I want to shag him. I want to bang- a term I never use, but it feels fitting in this instance- and then wave goodbye and never see him again, because he is far too young and he needs to grow up a bit, or I may actually stab him.

Oh but how to get this to happen, I have no idea. Being upfront didn't work for me at all last time. I do have a bit of a plan that involves me being in sexy lingerie and him being tied to a chair (mhmmm), but technically we have no proper plans to catch up again.

But the thought of it, the mere idea gets me going. This is why I was so good at burlesque- the anticipation, the tease, the cat and mouse game of seduction= FUCK. YES.

So yes, I do intend to see him again. And I intend to misbehave. Oh, and get my earrings back.

Wish me luck.

-Me

heart - break